One Song, Three Listens
Some of you may not know that one of the things I enjoy is writing and playing music. I've had the good fortune to do this for money at different times in my life, however small the amount (yes, $1.26 is still money...it can buy things). Today, I want to take you on a journey with me as we look at the evolution of a song in my life over the course of three crucial listens. I'm the ghost of music past, so grab your pants and let's travel...
Listen #1 - 2008
I am sitting in a small room in Lewis and Stacey Lux's house in Hot Springs, Arkansas. It's been converted to a little recording studio with cables running out into their bedroom where vocals and instrument tracks can be captured. We are hunched around a computer monitor in a space that is literally so small I can't get out without climbing over someone's chair. We are writing a worship song.
Lewis created a cool little loop with to a couple of piano chords flowing over it that had a neat, atmospheric vibe, and we are working on making it into a full-fledged song. Sometimes when I write a song, I have specific lyrics and themes I want to communicate based on what's going on in my mind and life. Other times, the words just kind of fall out and fit the music...they may not make a lick of sense, but I can worry about that later. This is one of those times. For no other reason then the fact that they just seem to fit okay and sing right, the words "heal us" become the chorus of our new song. There's nothing incredibly personal about this song to us, it just seems to work. So we write it and demo it.
Listen #1 ends with us being pretty excited about coming up with a decent little song and a good sounding demo. No deep meaning other than the satisfaction of having created something.
Listen #2 - 2010
I am sitting in the driver's seat of our mini-van on an interstate in Missouri. Terri is sitting next to me with her giant dark sunglasses on. She has been wearing them all the time because she keeps breaking down in tears at completely random times, whether we are in public or not. The glasses keep the tears hidden to a degree so they won't freak out the kids. They have seen mommy crying a lot lately, but we want to insulate them as much as possible. Two before, I was let go from my job as a worship pastor at a church in Kansas City. The details don't really matter, but the impact has been completely unexpected. It feels like we have had a death in the family. It seems to be the only appropriate way to describe the impact of what we are going through. We are utterly and completely broken, grieving for the lost life we thought would be ours for years and years.
I put in the Goodbye Audio album that Lewis, Stacey and I have literally just finished recording three weeks before. When we were putting songs together for it, we remembered that unfinished demo, Heal Us, and decided it would be the first song we would try to complete for the album. The music plays loudly in the background, mostly unheard as Terri and I are completely lost in our thoughts, and our kids are watching dvd's. Each of the songs cycle through from start to finish until the last song begins. It's Heal Us.
As the song plays it engages both of us. The neat little song written two years before that held no deep, personal meaning for us was transformed into the raw and pained cry of our hearts to God. I listen and get lost in it. My chest feels like it is being crushed under the weight of the desperation and lostness.
Terri looks at me and says, "It's almost as if God gave you this song two years ago for us to hear now."
Listen #2 ends with us holding on to the desperate plea of this song like a lifeline. We are crying.
Listen #3 - 2012
I have just dropped Cameron and Trinity off at a pastor's kid retreat in Carlinville. I have a solid two hour drive back home by myself in a fifteen passenger van with now CD player or aux input, so I grab Trinity's iPod and start shuffling. She left it with me so she wouldn't forget it in Carlinville, wise beyond her years, and I am glad because I need something to listen to other than the dozens of country radio stations I can pick up. I put in the earbuds and press play.
Songs are playing. They are mostly background because I am thinking about other things, until I hear a piano strike a chord. I haven't heard Heal Us in ages, so I turn it up. As it plays I remember. I remember writing it with Lewis and Stacey - the excitement of creating something new. I remember trying to hide the tears from my children as it plays over and over again as we drive - the brokenness and despair of loss. And I reflect on where we are now.
Listen #3 ends with us happy in our new home, living close to family, serving at a great church with an incredible leader, doing life with incredible new friends and looking ahead to starting a new church campus that we will lead.
The same song was three different things to me at three different points in my life. First it was potential, second it was a lifeline, and third it was a reminder from God that he brought us through. The thing is, the song really didn't do anything. God did. In 2008, he was planting in us exactly what we would need to face the heartbreak that was coming in 2010. In 2010, he used what had been planted in us to carry us through a valley we couldn't see the end of. In 2012, he let me see the big picture of how he had been at work in it from the beginning. And he used one song for all of it.
Below is a link to the song, Heal Us. Download it. Enjoy it. It's free. Maybe it will just be a neat song for you. Maybe it will help you through a situation you are facing. For us, it will no longer be just a song. It's a monument that has been planted in the road at three distinct points in our lives. Once pointing forward, once pointing down, once pointing back and all pointing to God. What you are building now in the time of peace and prosperity in your life may be the very thing that will get you through when a massive storm comes. The life preserver you are tightly clinging to right now may be the thing that reminds you of God's faithfulness when the storm has passed. It may be a song, a story, a person or an object, but it always God who will walk through it all with you from beginning to end.
Listen #1 - 2008
I am sitting in a small room in Lewis and Stacey Lux's house in Hot Springs, Arkansas. It's been converted to a little recording studio with cables running out into their bedroom where vocals and instrument tracks can be captured. We are hunched around a computer monitor in a space that is literally so small I can't get out without climbing over someone's chair. We are writing a worship song.
Lewis created a cool little loop with to a couple of piano chords flowing over it that had a neat, atmospheric vibe, and we are working on making it into a full-fledged song. Sometimes when I write a song, I have specific lyrics and themes I want to communicate based on what's going on in my mind and life. Other times, the words just kind of fall out and fit the music...they may not make a lick of sense, but I can worry about that later. This is one of those times. For no other reason then the fact that they just seem to fit okay and sing right, the words "heal us" become the chorus of our new song. There's nothing incredibly personal about this song to us, it just seems to work. So we write it and demo it.
Listen #1 ends with us being pretty excited about coming up with a decent little song and a good sounding demo. No deep meaning other than the satisfaction of having created something.
Listen #2 - 2010
I am sitting in the driver's seat of our mini-van on an interstate in Missouri. Terri is sitting next to me with her giant dark sunglasses on. She has been wearing them all the time because she keeps breaking down in tears at completely random times, whether we are in public or not. The glasses keep the tears hidden to a degree so they won't freak out the kids. They have seen mommy crying a lot lately, but we want to insulate them as much as possible. Two before, I was let go from my job as a worship pastor at a church in Kansas City. The details don't really matter, but the impact has been completely unexpected. It feels like we have had a death in the family. It seems to be the only appropriate way to describe the impact of what we are going through. We are utterly and completely broken, grieving for the lost life we thought would be ours for years and years.
I put in the Goodbye Audio album that Lewis, Stacey and I have literally just finished recording three weeks before. When we were putting songs together for it, we remembered that unfinished demo, Heal Us, and decided it would be the first song we would try to complete for the album. The music plays loudly in the background, mostly unheard as Terri and I are completely lost in our thoughts, and our kids are watching dvd's. Each of the songs cycle through from start to finish until the last song begins. It's Heal Us.
As the song plays it engages both of us. The neat little song written two years before that held no deep, personal meaning for us was transformed into the raw and pained cry of our hearts to God. I listen and get lost in it. My chest feels like it is being crushed under the weight of the desperation and lostness.
Terri looks at me and says, "It's almost as if God gave you this song two years ago for us to hear now."
Listen #2 ends with us holding on to the desperate plea of this song like a lifeline. We are crying.
Listen #3 - 2012
I have just dropped Cameron and Trinity off at a pastor's kid retreat in Carlinville. I have a solid two hour drive back home by myself in a fifteen passenger van with now CD player or aux input, so I grab Trinity's iPod and start shuffling. She left it with me so she wouldn't forget it in Carlinville, wise beyond her years, and I am glad because I need something to listen to other than the dozens of country radio stations I can pick up. I put in the earbuds and press play.
Songs are playing. They are mostly background because I am thinking about other things, until I hear a piano strike a chord. I haven't heard Heal Us in ages, so I turn it up. As it plays I remember. I remember writing it with Lewis and Stacey - the excitement of creating something new. I remember trying to hide the tears from my children as it plays over and over again as we drive - the brokenness and despair of loss. And I reflect on where we are now.
Listen #3 ends with us happy in our new home, living close to family, serving at a great church with an incredible leader, doing life with incredible new friends and looking ahead to starting a new church campus that we will lead.
The same song was three different things to me at three different points in my life. First it was potential, second it was a lifeline, and third it was a reminder from God that he brought us through. The thing is, the song really didn't do anything. God did. In 2008, he was planting in us exactly what we would need to face the heartbreak that was coming in 2010. In 2010, he used what had been planted in us to carry us through a valley we couldn't see the end of. In 2012, he let me see the big picture of how he had been at work in it from the beginning. And he used one song for all of it.
Below is a link to the song, Heal Us. Download it. Enjoy it. It's free. Maybe it will just be a neat song for you. Maybe it will help you through a situation you are facing. For us, it will no longer be just a song. It's a monument that has been planted in the road at three distinct points in our lives. Once pointing forward, once pointing down, once pointing back and all pointing to God. What you are building now in the time of peace and prosperity in your life may be the very thing that will get you through when a massive storm comes. The life preserver you are tightly clinging to right now may be the thing that reminds you of God's faithfulness when the storm has passed. It may be a song, a story, a person or an object, but it always God who will walk through it all with you from beginning to end.
Heal Us
(right click and select 'Download as...')
posted by Chris at
11:27 AM
2 Comments:
So hard to read and think about everything that you guys went through, but I'm so happy that you're getting the chance to do something you love now.
Your family is an inspiration :)
Love you all.
This song has proven to be very healing for me at certain points in my life. Most notably, when I was displaced from my apartment because of a fire I didn't cause, and feeling very lost and burdened by stress in Manhattan last year.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home