Cracker barrel: The Title Bout
The bell rings and the title bout is on...
Round 1
I take the breakfast menu in hand and scroll through the items. My eyes stop momentarily on the low calorie, low fat healthy choices to show that there might be a chance I will order one of them, but everyone knows that will never happen. This is a heavyweight fight with the reigning champ: Momma's Pancake Breakfast. I throw the first punch and order the three pancakes, two eggs over easy and two turkey sausage patties.
Round 2
I quickly season the eggs with salt and pepper before pounding them down. They never stood a chance. I take a few exploratory bites of the sausage to see how much of a fight it will give me. I'm pacing myself and feel good about my odds of winning.
Round 3
Pancake time. The one hundred percent maple syrup is my weakness because I need a lot of it. But I know that going in and am mentally prepared. The first pancake goes down swinging but never even lands a single punch. I'm positive going into pancake number two.
Round 4
Somewhere in between pancake two and three, Momma landed a loaded punch to the gut. It feels like I ate a bag of concrete with a whole milk chaser. I'm punch drunk and can barely get the fork up to my mouth. The waitress keeps refilling my coffee. Doesn't she know that I perfectly balanced the cream/sweetener/coffee ratio already! I'm in a downward spiral.
Round 5
Momma takes a swift uppercut swing to my mouth with one of the last syrup soaked bites and the lights go out. It's over...a total knock out. I may leave the ring but Momma's delicious breakfast treats will be punishing me for the next few hours.
Post Fight Wrap-up
My eyes were bigger than my stomach, which put up a noble fight. I am already thinking ahead to next time, but there is a nagging thought that keeps ringing in my ears like the bell that ended the bout:
Round 1
I take the breakfast menu in hand and scroll through the items. My eyes stop momentarily on the low calorie, low fat healthy choices to show that there might be a chance I will order one of them, but everyone knows that will never happen. This is a heavyweight fight with the reigning champ: Momma's Pancake Breakfast. I throw the first punch and order the three pancakes, two eggs over easy and two turkey sausage patties.
Round 2
I quickly season the eggs with salt and pepper before pounding them down. They never stood a chance. I take a few exploratory bites of the sausage to see how much of a fight it will give me. I'm pacing myself and feel good about my odds of winning.
Round 3
Pancake time. The one hundred percent maple syrup is my weakness because I need a lot of it. But I know that going in and am mentally prepared. The first pancake goes down swinging but never even lands a single punch. I'm positive going into pancake number two.
Round 4
Somewhere in between pancake two and three, Momma landed a loaded punch to the gut. It feels like I ate a bag of concrete with a whole milk chaser. I'm punch drunk and can barely get the fork up to my mouth. The waitress keeps refilling my coffee. Doesn't she know that I perfectly balanced the cream/sweetener/coffee ratio already! I'm in a downward spiral.
Round 5
Momma takes a swift uppercut swing to my mouth with one of the last syrup soaked bites and the lights go out. It's over...a total knock out. I may leave the ring but Momma's delicious breakfast treats will be punishing me for the next few hours.
Post Fight Wrap-up
My eyes were bigger than my stomach, which put up a noble fight. I am already thinking ahead to next time, but there is a nagging thought that keeps ringing in my ears like the bell that ended the bout:
It's not good to eat too much honey, and it's not good to seek honors for yourself.
Proverbs 25:27
I walk out of the locker room knowing two things - there is such a thing as too many pancakes, and picking fights for the glory of victory will only leave you disgraced with a stomach ache.
posted by Chris at
11:41 AM
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