Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I don't really understand you. You are a mystery to me...an enigma. You seem really neat to me at first, a way to keep in touch with everyone I have ever met in my entire life, but then I realize that you are quicksand. If I give you five minutes of my life you demand 50. You drink me down slowly like a Steak n' Shake milkshake. Why are you doing this to me? Are there not enough people who love you that you demand all my attention? Must you shove all your applications in my face to show me how great you are? Are you really that needy?

Furthermore, why is the thing everyone writes on called a wall? Can you name any single culture where it is okay to write on a persons wall? Why not just call it "My Diploma" or "My Birth Certificate" or "My Most Important Document Ever" since none of those things are appropriate to write on either? Why is it that every time I ever sign on to you I feel compelled to share my deepest and darkest secrets? Facebook, you lay me bare.

I'm going to leave it at this, Facebook, because I need to maintain a good relationship with you. You are my gateway to a lot of friends and family, but I think we need some space. I'm not breaking up with you, just redefining our relationship. I've got a wife and kids that need me, Facebook, and I just can't give you everything you need! I know you'll find that perfect person who wants to be in a mafia war, tell the world when they are putting on deodorant and announce what Harry Potter character they are. I'm just not emotionally prepared to do that for you.

We can still be friends though...

Chris